Hey, we've all been there: The sweaty palms and the lump in your throat. No, it's not your awkward first date: It's an interview at your dream job and you're about to screw it up. After all, companies look for Adonis-like confidence when they're taking you for a test drive, so shaky knees and a nervous throat-clearing habit need not apply.
Wanna make sure you nail the next interview without pre-appointment nightmares? Here's how.
Step One: Take a Good, Long Look in the Mirror
Seriously, go ahead. Check out that excellent chin and exemplary ears. You look good.
Maybe a bit too good. You don't want to be better looking than your prospective employer. Smear a little ketchup on the side of your mouth. Perfect. Now you're good looking, but also approachable.
Step Two: Go for a Jog
Feeling jittery? Go for a quick jog and get rid of some of that extra adrenaline. Better yet, ask your interviewer if she would like to join you on that jog so you can kill two birds with one stone and prove how efficient you are.
Step Three: Dress to Impress
They say that you should always dress for the job you want to have, so make sure your clothes match your career aspirations. A sensible suit is always great, but if you really want to impress the interviewer, what about full formal attire? Who can say no to someone in a wedding gown? No one, especially if you lay down a red carpet first.
Step Four: Arrive Early
Nobody likes the person who shows up late for an interview. Why not show up really early and impress everyone? Act like it's a Star Wars movie and camp outside for a few days. When security asks you what you're doing, just reply "Proving myself."
Step Five: Ditch the Resume
Everyone brings a resume. To really stand out, try an interpretive dance that explains your proficiencies and how you used to work at your uncle's dairy farm. Boom. Nailed it.
Step Six: Conceal Your Shaky Hands
Everyone notices when you're nervous, especially if your hands give it away with their constant shaking. Instead, harness that power by bringing a cowbell with you to an interview. Then it's like, "Is this person nervous? No! He's in a bluegrass band. Right on!" Problem solved.
Step Seven: Do Your Homework
Everyone always says that you should research the company at which you're interviewing. That's like, Interviewing 101. But you can always go the extra mile and prepare yourself by getting to know everything about your interviewer.
What are her likes and dislikes? Does she have a cat? Has she seen that new movie everyone is talking about? She did, because you followed her there and sat three rows behind her while mimicking her reactions.
Step Eight: Make Weaknesses Your Strengths
It's the question every interviewer loves to ask: "What is your biggest weakness?" The trick to answering this question is to highlight your weakness as strength. You could use answers like "My perfectionism," or "My constant need to always bring my boss donuts and coffee every day."
Step Nine: Be Specific
Hey, it's great if you have excellent organizational skills: We're really proud. But you'll need to be specific to really nail the interview.
Think up some examples of when you were organized, like that time you organized the office paper clips by color and then left passive aggressive post-it notes around chastising people who mixed green and pink because, were those coworkers raised in A BARN?!
Step Ten: Send a Thank You Note
You'll need to let the interviewer know that you appreciated her time. But instead of a thank you note, think outside of the box. We personally like the idea of a thank you mariachi band.
See? Interviews don't have to be scary. Repeat after us: It's just your hopes and dreams on the line. No biggie. With proper prep and a carefully placed tambourine, you're golden.
PS Want to know how to actually ace the interview? Click here for the real tips. For real this time.
By Jae — CEO of the alphabet
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